Written by Richie Pepio
During the 124 days before the release of The Last Jedi, I’m reviewing all 124 minutes of the theatrical version of
The Empire Strikes Back. Join me and together we will watch Star Wars….
In Minute 90:00, Chewie's handiwork gets Threepio's upper body to start working again. Critics would complain about Rey being a Mary Sue in The Force Awakens are forgetting about Chewie's abilities to fix everything. He can repair ships, droids and everything in between. In his defense, he does it all badly - the Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive never gets put back together, C-3P0 is reassembled backwards, and he smells like wet dog while doing it. But how is Rey able to upgrade the Falcon on the fly and fight Kylo Ren like she's had years of training? What's her excuse?
Meanwhile, Han is out of excuses. In a different Cloud City sauna/prison cell (which is probably the same set that Chewie's on), Solo is tortured by being lowered onto some sparking dental equipment. Does the Empire just roll this around to wherever they're interrogating's going on? Does this machinery come with Cloud City?
As a kid, I always thought getting "sparked" was prep they did on any prisoner before they were carbon frozen. But later, Vader tries to throw Luke right into the carbon freezing chamber and he did no pre-torture on the young Jedi-in-training. Ultimately, whatever this device is is not important (even though, you should know, it's a mining machine called a scan grid). What IS important? This torture toy fit for kids aged 4 and up!
Han Solo's still screaming as we're taken outside the chamber. Lando and Boba Fett exchange a "partners" look, uneasy allies for the time being. With Star Wars' most popular character getting tortured in the background, this is the moment where we start to see Lando's doubts.
Best Performance by a Human: Han getting zapped.
Best Performance by a Non-human: C-3P0 having cops-realizing-it's-Keyser-Soze moment - it was stormtroopers the whole time!
Best Line: Threepio's realization - "Stormtroopers? Here? I must tell the others. Oh no! I've been shot!"
Rating: TranLang II.9 out of C-3P0's TranLang III communication module.
This was originally posted on Mindctrlaltdel.tumblr.com