Written by Richie Pepio
During the 124 days before the release of The Last Jedi, I’m reviewing all 124 minutes of the theatrical version of
The Empire Strikes Back. Join me and together we will watch Star Wars….
Vader is almost 50 and fabulous. He doesn't care who's on his bridge; if they have bad news, he 👏 is 👏 going 👏 to 👏 SLAY. 🔥
Ok, I haven't really figured out the true art of emojis, but Lord Vader hasn't figured out the true art of executive leadership either. Captain Needa loses track of the Millennium Falcon once? He's dead. Admiral Ozzel brings the fleet out of hyperspace too close to the planet? He's dead. Johnson's late turning in the asteroid report? He's dead. Somebody forgot that the breakfast burrito order was supposed to come with two burritos? Everybody dead. So the jump from Captain Needa telling his crew that he'll visit Vader to apologize and then the immediate transition to Captain Needa having an aneurysm on the floor is darkly comic. The icing on the cake is Vader's line: "apology accepted, Captain Needa."
Rogue One took a lot of grief over giving Vader the one-liner - "be careful not to choke on your aspirations..." In reality, the only one choking is James Earl Jones. Seriously, give this guy an oxygen break.
Anyway, yes, the line is goofy but not out of character. The groundwork for on-the-nose wordplay is laid right here, in Empire's 74th minute.
Meanwhile, the only thing as shocking as Vader's sense of humor is this pose below. Is he trying to look like the most fearsome mofo in the galaxy or the rootin tootinest space-sheriff this side of the Mason-Dixon?
This proves that when Vader isn't holding a lightsaber, choking employees, or pointing for emphasis, he has no idea what to do with those robo-hands! Give this guy a public speaking class or something!
Frantic (or as frantic as Vader can get), he orders his subordinates to split up and find the Falcon in any possible trajectory. As the star destroyer pulls away, we get this clever reveal of the Falcon, strapped to the back of battleship's command tower. Han Solo's (and Lucasfilm's) ingenuity wins again!
Best Performance by a Human: Captain Needa being forgiven.
Best Performance by a Non-human: That tiny Falcon super-glued to that detailed Star Destroyer model.
Best Line: Vader's signature shade-throwing one-liner - "apology accepted, Captain Needa."
Rating: 0.95 out of the 1 time Needa failed Vader.
This was originally posted on Mindctrlaltdel.tumblr.com