Written by Richie Pepio
During the 124 days before the release of The Last Jedi, I’m reviewing all 124 minutes of the theatrical version of
The Empire Strikes Back. Join me and together we will watch Star Wars….
Another day, another suicidal move by Captain Solo.
Sure, you need to be reckless to survive in this space slug-eat-space slug galaxy, but speeding toward a 40,000,000-ton battleship with a smirk on your face means you're either sociopathic or delusional. Luckily for our heroes, Han's a little bit of both. He races toward the head of the Star Destroyer, Avenger in a game of intergalactic chicken. Its captain, Lorth Needa, looks back at the approaching ship in shock - "they're moving into attack position!"
Needa is like those British generals from the Revolutionary War who couldn't let go of their archaic way of warfare. The Americans learned they couldn't face the British head-to-head due to the latter's manpower and artillery - so the Americans (much like the Rebels) moved dynamically, fought "dirty," and made up for their lack of numbers with their morale. Needs expects the Falcon to shrink in defeat, not flare up in attack mode. If only Captain Needa studied his history...
As the Corellian cruiser passes over their viewing station, Needa does what all fearsome captains do - the "Imperial flinch."
And then, just like that, the Millenium Falcon is gone... How did they disappear without a cloaking device? Did the Force intervene? Did Han email some malware into the Star Destroyer's scanners? Maybe Kevin Spacey has something to say about this...
Deep, Kevin. But you know what's deeper than that? After Han's suicidal move, we cut to Luke doing Force-pilates.
Best Performance by a Human: The disbelief of Captain Needa.
Best Performance by a Non-human: The Falcon zooming past the bridge.
Best Line: Captain Needa's "they can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking device."
Rating: 4.8 out of 5 suspects.
This was originally posted on Mindctrlaltdel.tumblr.com