Written by Richie Pepio
During the 124 days before the release of The Last Jedi, I’m reviewing all 124 minutes of the theatrical version of
The Empire Strikes Back. Join me and together we will watch Star Wars….
Ah, Minute 45:00, the one where Artoo vomits. It's played as a sight gag, and ends our introductory sequence to Dagobah transitioning to the Empire. Luke gives Artoo a quick eyeroll, sitcom style, and you can hear the theme song playing...
R2? Me Too! airing after The Goldbergs on ABC. Come for the trip to Dagobah, stay for the trip to the bathroom!
And here's some GIFs for the sizzle reel!
When Luke leans up against the astromech droid and takes in his surroundings, he's hit with a wave of deja vu.
"It's like something out of a dream..."
We can infer that this feeling comes from Luke's natural Force connection. He's drawn to this place, never having been here before.
And yet, before the Prequel Trilogy was completed, message boards and fansites in the early aughts were circulating some weird theories. One attempted to justify why we never saw Naboo in the Original Trilogy after holding such a prominent place Episodes I-III. These experts saw the swampy environment of Naboo and Dagobah, put two and two together and argued that these planets were one in the same. Perhaps the Clone Wars hit the lush home of Boss Nass, Captain Tarpals and Queen Camilla and turned it into wasteland. Maybe that's why Luke remembered it. This idea spoke to me since, from middle school through high school, I hoped against hope that the prequels would justify themselves. I prayed that by the time Episode III rolled around in that distant future year of 2005, all the problems of The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones would be righted.
Alas, Episode III came out and it was not to be. Instead, Lucas re-tinkered with the Special Editions of the OT in the 2005 DVD release, adding Naboo to the celebration montage at the end of ROTJ. As Gungans shout "weesa free!" our hearts die. I die a little bit each day since that came into my life.
Speaking of death...
... let's imagine the stink inside Vader's iron sauna. The sweat stench in that helmet is enough to kill a whole temple of younglings.
Give this guy some Head and Shoulders, amirite??!!!? But in all honesty, if your lava-treatment-recovery-suit is still leading to the flaking redness of chronic dermatitis, consult a new Sith Master.
Not counting the actual plot twist at the end of the movie, this small moment was actually a big deal for the audience. Until this, all sorts of mad theories circulated around the Dark Lord of the Sith. Starling Magazine and its legions of readers were all part of the debate around Vader's background. Was he a humanoid, was he a demon, was he an android? This sequence seemed to lay those questions to rest.
We also learn about Piett. The man formerly known as Captain Piett is now an Admiral after his superior was choked to death 20 minutes ago. In that short time, Piett's already been given an upgrade. Just look at the candy buttons on his chest. He used to have 3 red and 3 blue - now he's updated to 6 each. Rome wasn't built in a day, but this guy's career was built within the timespan of an episode of R2? Me Too!
Whether he's a captain or an admiral, he's chokable. So, when Vader commands him to keep following the Millennium Falcon, Piett obeys - asteroids or bust.
From that ominous moment, we cut back to the Millennium Falcon sitting inside some kind Turkish Bath. Are they not in the vacuum of space anymore? We know they're in a cave, and we're aware this cave isn't everything it seems to be but... shouldn't Han notice this too? He's been jockeying his way from planet to planet for years. Can't he tell that an asteroid field shouldn't have clouds in it? They just flew into what looks like a secluded raver - with dry ice and everything. Sound the alarms and fly, you fools!
Best Performance by a Human: Vader - he showed us a lot in this minute and now we know him like the back of his head.
Best Performance by a Non-human: Mud-vomit (also the name of my favorite band).
Best Line: Vader's "asteroids do not concern me, Admiral. I want that ship. Not excuses."
Rating: 10.8 out of 12 squares on Admiral Piett's new uniform.
This was originally posted on Mindctrlaltdel.tumblr.com