Written by Richie Pepio
During the 124 days before the release of The Last Jedi, I’m reviewing all 124 minutes of the theatrical version of The Empire Strikes Back. Join me and together we will watch Star Wars….
In today's minute, an Imperial ship turns into a nightclub and the Rebels have gun envy.
The Rebels finally reveal the full firepower of that Ion Cannon. It still looks like it was slapped together with foraged scrap metal, but damn - when they open the shields, this laser is strong enough to disable a Star Destroyer. If you saw this outside a prepper's house, you'd say they were compensating for something. Seeing this at the Rebel base, you have to wonder why they didn't just strap this baby to any one of their ships. Well, someone was smart enough to ask this question on Quora - "If ion cannons are strong enough to take out star destroyers, why didn't the rebels have one on their battle cruisers?"
The short answer: that would make things less dramatically interesting.
The long answer, thanks to Quora guru Jeffrey J. Stables, chronic thinker:
"The ion cannon on Echo Base was far too large and consumed too much power to be of use on any of the ships the Rebel Alliance had available to it. Some Rebel ships did, in fact, have ion cannons; but none was large enough to disable a Star Destroyer like the one on Hoth did. An extremely large ship and large power source (roughly twice the size of the largest Rebel battlecruiser) would be required to deploy an ion cannon of such power in a starship..."
When the cannon hits it marks, it performs one of the few laser light shows in Star Wars history. We usually see red or green laserbolts; red, green or blue lightsabers; but a rainbow malfunction? That's different.
Let's just say that Captain Xamuel Lennox didn't know what hit him. You know, Xamuel. Of course you do, he's the "our first catch of the day" guy - and yes, they named him Xamuel because "X's" make everything more science fiction-like.
Anyway the Star Destroyer, the Tyrant, sinks like an interstellar Titanic and since it's 1980, it goes all disco and turns into a Saturday Night Fever-dream fit for John Travolta to dance all over.
Rebel extras cheer, wives of Imperial officers receive holograms informing that their husbands have been lost at space and pilots ready for battle.
Then we catch up with Luke amid all the Rebel troopers running to their stations - he joins Dack his gunner. I get that this makes the flying situation of the Battle of Hoth similar to the vehicles you'd see in a World War 2-era skirmish, but it seems a little backward to confine two perfectly good fighters to one speeder. Especially since the men of Rogue Squadron fly and shoot all the time in their X-Wings. Well, maybe Dack is all thumbs when he flies, so they need to let him down easy and just have him point and shoot.
They also do a straightforward job of setting Dack up for big things in the future. Dack is a person we've never met, has no unique traits to speak of and is super optimistic about the battle ahead? Oh, shell out the big bucks for that action figure, folks, he's definitely the breakout character of this movie!
Following the exchange between battle partners, we get reminded of the threat ahead. They're not too threatening... yet.
Best Performance by a Human: Dack, soon to be deceased.
Best Performance by a Non-human: Ion Cannon.
Best Line: Dack’s fatally optimistic – “Right now I feel like I can take on the whole Empire myself.”
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 AT-AT Walkers in the distance.
This was originally posted on Mindctrlaltdel.tumblr.com