Written by Richie Pepio
During the 124 days before the release of The Last Jedi, I’m reviewing all 124 minutes of the theatrical version of
The Empire Strikes Back. Join me and together we will watch Star Wars….
Han Solo is the only non-Force sensitive (as far as we know) person in the Star Wars series to handle an active lightsaber. Usually you need to go through heavy training with experienced trainers, like Luke who – uh – spent a week with his dad’s old war buddy/former master/mortal enemy Obi Wan Kenobi before that old wizard was transformed into an empty pile of dirty laundry. Ok, so Luke isn’t the best example of a trained lightsaber-wielder, but is it sacrilegious for someone like Han, who doesn’t yet believe in all the powers of the Force, to handle a weapon more elegant than a blaster? There’s no time to worry about that because Han needs to slice open that dead tauntaun.
Then Luke get's revenant'ed inside of it.
If we keep Han’s last few lines and last few actions in mind, throwing a bunch of internal organs on Luke and/or shoving him inside a tauntaun’s hollow belly are just a temporary fix while he prepares their camp.
It all seems to make sense, but i09 argues Luke should have died right there. With the average nighttime temperature on Hoth leveling out to -76 degrees Fahrenheit, the tauntaun’s internal temperature would cool pretty rapidly. Meaning Luke would get hypothermia within minutes. Not only that, but the cuts on his face are coming into contact with feces, bile and all the other fun liquids rolling through the tauntaun’s body. So he probably contracted an nice strand of Mad Tauntaun’s Disease, at the very least. But this isn’t realism, this is Star Wars – so we can still enjoy the minute without those medical analyses creeping into our brains.
Best Performance by a Human: Han Solo trying to build a shelter while dealing with the smell of dead tauntaun.
Best Performance by a Non-Human: Taunaun's internal organs.
Best Line: Han Solo’s “I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”
Rating: 4.8 out of the 5 minutes it would take to get hypothermia in Hoth’s temperature and wind chill.
Stay tuned for Minute 16:00 where our heroes get found, I repeat, they get found.