Written by Richie Pepio
During the 124 days before the release of The Last Jedi, I’m reviewing all 124 minutes of the theatrical version of The Empire Strikes Back. Join me and together we will watch Star Wars….
In Minute 11, Luke’s escaped the Wampa’s lair and gets lost in the wilderness. The general blizzard haze keeps everything fuzzy, allowing us to feel Luke’s loss and confusion and blurring the surroundings so the stop-motion Tauntaun can look realistic.
Han is out in the thick of it as well and since his ride’s still alive, he probably hasn’t hit that South Marker yet. We get a quick check-in of him on Tauntaun-back and he’s wearing a different uniform from Luke and the other Rebels. Han always followed his own rules: naturally he wears the James Dean of parkas.
But even James Dean couldn't keep his cool in these temperatures...
Back at the base, Artoo has a tiny radar dish out searching for Master Luke – but how much better is that going to be than any sensors within the base? He’s just hoping against hope that Skywalker’s safe. If this was a war movie, like We Were Soldiers, R2-D2 would be Madeleine Stowe. That's right, we were all thinking it: "R2-D2 IS THE MADELEINE STOWE OF ANDROIDS!"
C-3P0 calls him inside, but not without calling Artoo a “stupid little short circuit.” Normally, they’re antagonistic toward each other but in the face danger and tragedy, they stick together.
While our heroes hunt for Luke, let's jump to the present for a second. Lucasfilm is launching their own augmented reality treasure hunt. This will occur on that holiday Lucasfilm made up: Force Friday (just like how Hallmark invented Sweetest Day, Boss's Day, and Valentine’s Day - that date where we remember all of the good taste that died on February 12th, 2010 when Valentine’s Day was released in theaters). Starting on September 1st, smartphones will be able to guide users to certain Last Jedi products. Users just have to locate the “Find the Force” logo and go wild. It’s Black Friday without all the non-Star Wars-related distractions and only benefitting one one production company.
"There's a sale on Turbo Man?!"
Best Performance by a Human: Stumbling Luke.
Best Performance by a Non-human: R2-D2 and his rotating scanner.
Best Line: C-3P0’s “he’ll be quite all right, you’ll see. Stupid little short circuit, he’ll be quite all right.”
Rating: 7.4 out of 8 days of exterior Hoth shooting in Finse, Norway.
Stay tuned for Minute 12:00 where we find out if ghosts exist...
This was originally posted on Mindctrlaltdel.tumblr.com